Posted BY: Nick Lopez

The Fairfax County, Virginia School Board has “educated me” that babies are “assigned gender” at birth, and I have some questions. 

My first question is, what is the department in the hospital that assigns genders to newborns called?  Because if you call a hospital and ask for the “gender assignment department,” they don’t seem to know what you are talking about.  I’ve called eight hospitals so far.  Not one of them seems to have a department that assigns gender to newborns.  

Is the impossible to call or locate the gender assignment department at my nearest hospital some kind of secret society, like the Freemasons?  The Cabbagestork Rite?  Wearing bibs and binkies and placing non-binary dolls on an Ouija board in the Denver Airport in order to determine if you are having a boy or a girl?

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There are questions beyond the who and how of hiding an entire department in hospitals… never mind who might be behind this insidious assignment bureau.  How exactly is “gender assignment” done?  Does the baby come out looking like a Ken doll, and does the doctor reach into a bag of genitals and select a set to attach to the baby at random?

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